Wednesday, October 13, 2010

No regrets!

My biggest fear was always of failure. I was terrified of the concept of never accomplishing anything, my life meaning nothing and becoming a noone. This fear was crippling and I often found myself holding back from life which of course meant that I was allowing my fear to also become my reality. Then one day I decided to define failure as I had to overcome my fear. This was an interesting task that I had set myself. What I was scared of was the end point in success. This was a clearly defined point where suddenly I was no longer on ‘the right path’. This is a fork in the road where after that everything goes wrong. Life as I know it ends and I am unhappy...
But then my thoughts began to evolve... What if I come to this metaphorical fork in the road, how do I know which is the ‘right’ path to take? Is it clearly marked? Well, no otherwise we would not take the ‘wrong’ path and we would follow the ‘yellow brick road’ that is supposed to lead us to a better life. So lets imagine that yellow brick road for the sake of the exercise. How do we know that at a point that is past our visual acuity that the yellow toned bricks will not dissolve to nothingness? There is only one way... trial and error! We take one step after another and we hope (even believe) the path will continue to unfold in front of us. Then... a wall.... what now? Some people may be defeated by this wall and turn around to start again. But what if, by using my best Macgyver skills, I am able to fashion a rope out of a fork and a stick of gum? Then I can climb over that wall and assess my next challenge. Now I am also propelled forward armed with the confidence from my triumph as I just I conquered a wall I once saw as a great opponent. I have begun to discover my ability to overcome adversity.

Where there is no doorway, search for a window...
So now my concept of failure is changing... My first definition was correct as failure IS that defined end point I discussed before... but only I can decide where that end point is by giving up, turning on my heels and returning to the start. Sometimes we have to diverge off our chosen path, sometimes we are forced off that path and sometimes we chose a new path. It is these moments where we can either crumble or learn the most powerful lessons. That is MY choice and I will never let anyone take that away from me. So now when I am forced off my path or on to another one I will try and see it for the opportunity that it is. Sure it is not what I consciously planned to do but maybe in the subconscious of my mind there was a deep seeded plan that is seeking out better paths, doorways or windows to climb through. But how did I get to this point where I am able to control my subconscious into believing in a plan that I am not able to develop within my consciousness? My consciousness actively develops a goal. I formulate the picture of this goal in my mind. If my goal was to travel (as it usually is) I will imagine the different countries I will visit, the interesting people I will interact with and the cultural experiences I will submerse myself in. This forms the basic picture and an end point. The middle stuff... the plan... not quite there yet but so what? Travelling is about the journey as much as the destination and so is any goal. So I research, imagine and I know that my path will be laid out in front of me. I cannot see the entire path lit but I can see two steps in front of me and that is enough to push me forward. I must believe that as I step forward the rest of my journey will unfold. It is not my job to worry about it but to simply allow it to happen. It is my job to allow my conscious to drive the idea, my subconscious to find or create the pathway and my heart to always decide on the best option for me.

So here I am living in cold UK (I dislike the cold but I am getting used to it!). I am exploring my new world and I am thoroughly enjoying myself. Did I reach a fork in the road when I decided to come here? Most definitely! It was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make but I think that I had no choice in the matter. I had to come here. If I did not then I would be looking back in many years time regretting it! I no longer fear failure but I embrace it as with every failure I find myself closer to success... plus I am having an absolute ball finding my way!
Live in the moment! Do what you have always wanted to do! Never let anyone tell you how to live your life! and Regret something you DID do and not something you DID NOT do!

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